False Prophet, Graven Image, Liar, Thief, Philanderer, Sociopath, Cultist

NOT Help.

You need a ‘check up’ from the neck up. 

The guy that just came out of a crack house, you, you’re no different.

You think you are honest? Uh, no, you have a long way to go.

If you don’t want to give me Rusty Noble’s phone number, you’re on your own. Good luck getting your medical back without a guy like me. I’m the only game in town.

Any cravings? You smelled a beer and you would have liked one?

The tests you took at Sarasota First Step do not count. They have to be EtG.

I want to get a baseline on you. You know, we have tests that can go back a whole year so don’t mess it up because we’ll know.

I mean, you can complain, no one will listen.

I know the ‘right’ people.

I’m the HIMS Doctor for all of American.

You are not taking your AA meetings seriously.  The FAA will deny your application.

You’re job is to do exactly what I tell you to do.

Sell everything.

The owner of the facility is willing to take the deed to your real estate lot in lieu of payment.

-Dr. Joseph Tordella HIMS AME

Your shitty committee is what is wrong with you. Its you, YOU did this. Why don’t you just drink. Your intellectual pride is pure ego run amok. You are self will run riot.

You don’t think you are powerless? You fail the first step.

Um, no, you don’t get to make any decisions for yourself without consulting one of us first.

You’ve agreed to let us be your higher power now. 

Your mind is not right at the moment, lets use my mind to make the right decision.

Why don’t you go talk to someone about your thoughts of self harm.

People commit suicide all the time.  This is because of mental illness, not because of AA.

Jails, Institutions, Death

You’re making things difficult for yourself.

You are living your life entirely devoid of the will of god.

Just wanted to let you know that they were diagnosing you with Borderline Personality Disorder and that’s grounding. I just thought you should be aware of this. You will need two evaluations to clear this. Dr. Tordella has set you up with Joe Garbely for an evaluation. Then, we just need one more.  (Darren Jemison, Dawn Dreiger, Dr. Joseph Tordella)

I’m your sponsor, I get to take your inventory.

You can have a job, all you have to do is what you are told, and work the steps.

You are delusional.

You are self will run riot.

You are ego run amok.

You are a dry drunk.

Let me guess, you don’t have a sponsor, your not attending meetings and your not working the steps.

Your hatred for everything AA is your self will and pride.

There is no other way.

You have nothing to offer anyone right now.

Your behavior is pure manipulation.

We will talk about healthy relationships when the time comes.

Dude, you keep me sober.

You think your some kind of treatment messiah or something.

I am putting you with Borucki.

I am putting you with Dr. Tordella.

They have a test for binge drinkers like you. I forget what its called but it gives us like a month look back.

No, god cannot be your sponsor.

You don’t know what you are talking about, AA is too big.

Why would you want to destroy something that has saved millions.

“Ummm, you don’t exactly get to choose” (referring to which inpatient rehab I would attend)

They thought you were being a smartass when they asked you what you were doing to stay sober and you answered:  Not Drinking.

Let me explain what happened to you, you were toxically shamed, that’s how you became the way you are. Healthy shame is good but, when shame becomes your identity, its not good.

Look, I recommended a book that was secular and mainstream. (no Darren its a book promoting AA by an AA shill) and you told me to keep my steppism books to myself. I’m out!

You have built up this false image of yourself, and you can’t live up to it.

Nobody is doing anything illegal.

Nobody is forcing you to do anything.

Why don’t you just go do something else and leave all of us alone.

It’s all in your head, it’s YOU, YOU did this, YOU are the problem.

Regis was ‘pulling your sheet’.  (chortle)

You are trying so hard not to be controlled right now.

You are in such denial.

You could be having surreptitious meetings with the VP of Flight Operations (US Airways) if you would stop trampling all over my program of recovery.

-Darren Jemison HIMS (Peer Monitor Air Line Pilot’s Association)

What we’re going to need from you is money.  Do you have any way you can get $1200 dollars?  That’s going to be covering everything your going to be doing the next couple of days.

You’re going to have to get on a plane and go to New Jersey to meet with Dr. Tordella and Joe Garbely.  You can’t stay home for an extended period.   Tailor diagnosis much?  Oh, that’s right.  I wasn’t officially diagnosed with anything…must hurry and get that axis II.

-Dawn Dreiger


Are you willing to do anything that Alcoholics Anonymous asks of you? 

If you don’t think you are powerless then you might as well leave and drink.

You need to get out of yourself.

Don’t make any changes the first year.

These are only suggestions like, if you jump out of an airplane, I suggest you wear a parachute.

You can have all the sexual relationships you want with yourself, until you have a year.

I’m sorry you feel that AA is a cult, I will pray for you.

You call me every day or I’m not your sponsor anymore.

Look for the similarities, not the differences.

Jon, looks like you don’t get much sleep!  Things getting tough again?


-Dave Barelle (Sponsor, Retired IBM electrical engineer)

She no longer suffers from her disease. (referring to a suicide/overdose)

-‘Battle Ax’ Sponsor (Venice, FL M,W,F Beginners Group)

Terminally unique

I needed to change everything.

Don’t give up before the miracle happens.

Just work the steps, and your bills will be paid.

What if I told you there was one bird who got caught drunk after pushing off the gate with the FAA in the jump seat and I told you he is flying again. The door is wide open Man!

I don’t usually like to place people at a company until they are thoroughly working the steps and past step 5.

Open your ears and close your mouth.

-Rusty Noble (Noble Energy)

Rusty wanted me to talk to you about your meetings.  He said you weren’t real keen on meetings. (smug nod)

-Therapist (Father Martins Ashley)

We get to be ‘mystics’ in AA.

Orange Papers?  Now that guy, he has a resentment.

-Farlow Blakeslee (Father Martins Ashley)

*here is a song I started composing on the grand piano at FMA.

So you were busy helping yourself?

You have a thinking problem not a drinking problem.

When I am alone with my ism…I am a nut.

Leave your brain at the door.

You can be ‘too smart’ not to get the program but you can’t be too dumb.

Sitting on your pity pot.

Sit down, shut up, and listen.

I don’t care if you drink, this is a me program.

You took your power back.

Resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.

IT works if YOU work IT.

How do you hide something from a pigeon? Put it in the big book.

Fake it till ya make it.

Some must die so that others may live.

I am a liar, a cheat, and a thief.

We are only as sick as our secrets.

Taking a geographic (geographic dislocation – defined as pathology)

-Random Elders (Venice, FL M,W,F Beginners Meeting)

I need to be open to suggestions.

I am going to come at you in group until you realize what this disease has cost you.

Not with your diagnosis you’re not flying.

You don’t even realize what this disease has cost you.

Oh, ha ha, you work for PSA (laughing).  Scott, he works for PSA (laughing).

Jerry, did Jonathan just walk by us then look away and keep walking?  That’s really strange behavior (encounter with Jerry F and Warren Margulies at Fellowship Hall, Greensboro NC roughly Aug 15, 2012)

They are going to diagnose you with Borderline Personality Disorder (Day 20 Fellowship Hall)  You do not even realize what you have lost.

-Warren Margulies (Director of Clinical Strategy – Fellowship Hall)

Unless each A.A. member follows to the best of his ability our suggested Twelve Steps to recovery, he almost certainly signs his own death warrant.

We are like men who have lost their legs. They never grow back.

The delusion that we are like other people needs to be smashed.

Selfishness and self seeking, that we believe is the root of our problem.

If you think you are an atheist, an agnostic, a skeptic, or have any other form of intellectual pride which keeps you from accepting what is in this book, I feel sorry for you.

There are such unfortunates, they seem to have been born that way. They are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.

Resentments may be a dubious luxury for normal men, but for the alcoholic, these things are poison.

We are not doctors.  (That’s apparent now)

We will be amazed before we are half way through, fear and selfishness will leave us, self seeking will slip away and we will gain an interest in our fellows. (Some mighty big assumptions in this one)

Our common welfare should come first. (That’s become very apparent)

Resting on your laurels.

You can, if you like, make AA itself your god.

Alcoholics Anonymous must always remain anonymous at the level of press, radio, and film.

-Big Book, 12 & 12 (considered to be inspired by god)

The ego must be smashed.

If you want back in aviation, then you should get a job working the ramp.  I guess lifting 1 million bags for United wasn’t enough? 

This program is serious fucking business.

-Jim Epperson (Birds of a Feather, Simulator Instructor Silver Airlines)

Untreated alcoholism in aviation is 100% fatal in the first year.   Still Here!

An alcoholic sobers up, grows up, gets locked up or covered up.

The disease of Alcoholism is chronic, progressive, contagious, and fatal.

Pilots who wear heavy aftershave or talk about their personal problems in cruise are ‘suspect’.  (see EtG)

The most dangerous time for relapse in a pilot’s recovery is release from monitoring.  (see EtG)

The alcoholic pilot may lose interest in personal hygiene, encounter problems in the simulator, and be absent from work.  Ever done a training event @ PSA?

You can borrow money for the additional treatment that your HIMS doctor did not prescribe.

Minimizing, Intellectualizing

Oh, you are missing an awful lot.

You are not getting ‘IT’.  I thought I had to wait a year!  Thanks for that.

-Corey Trotman (Dilworth Center, Charlotte NC)

We weren’t on a winning streak when we came into the rooms.

You need to concentrate on what you are supposed to be doing, working your program.

You have got to put this first. Don’t worry about getting a job right now.

You were supposed to chair the meeting while I was in Canada and you did not show. That’s not how people with a solid program act.

-Nachelle White (Birds of a Feather, Canadian corporate pilot)

Put your big boy pants on.

Nobody wants to hear about your ex girlfriend or how you don’t like ALPA. What they want to hear is that you are working the steps, going to meetings, and taking your program seriously.

Your going to take any job you are offered and be grateful for it.

You have what’s called circular reasoning.

Pretty much everyone is in agreement, you need to put your big boy pants on and get serious about your program.

You should be grateful for ALPA.  If it weren’t for ALPA, you would not have a HIMS program.

-Regis Conti (Birds of a Feather, Check Airman Atlas Airlines B747/767)

I sure hope you find a way to sober without this.

Rusty is giving you a gift. When I got helped, I felt like it saved my life.

The five things we alcoholics do every day are: Ask god to keep you sober today, Read something from AA literature, Talk with another alcoholic, Go to a meeting, & Thank god for keeping you sober today.

Do you think everyone is stupid because they are in AA and you want to call it a cult?

The program has taught me my place in the world.

-Adam Nebrich (Birds of a Feather, First Officer Southwest Airlines B737)

He is about as stubborn as they come.

Good luck arguing with the FAA.

Just do what you are told.

Your anger is so deep.  Damn right it is.

-T.J. McManamy (Birds of a Feather, Line Check Airman A330 American)

Are you gay Jon?  No.  Why do you ask?

-Jim Iverson (BOAF meeting Fellowship Hall Aug 12)


I did not ask you to tell me that you have never had a DUI, I did not ask you that.  Don’t tell me something that I did not ask you.

-Director of Aeromedical (US Airways)

Shit between your ears, that’s what’s in your head.

Your a smart one, we bury the smart ones.

-Grand Sponsor Frank

Go! to meetings until you LIKE going to meetings.

Suicide, meh, just another crazy person.

-Group therapist (Father Martins Ashley)

You’re not a bad person Jon, you’re a sick person.

You are a primitive Christian, not a deist I think.

Rusty is certain that there is a bright future for you in aviation as long as you don’t drink or try to manipulate anything.

Welcome to our religion Jon, the religion of addiction.

-Unitarian Minister/Spiritual Advisor (founding member Father Martins Ashley)

You need to get a haircut.

If you don’t take your 90 in 90 meetings seriously, you know, Rusty Noble (Noble Energy) knows a lot of people and he would find out.

Basically, you need to grow up Jon.

Can you think of any other ways in which you are acting immaturely, besides, you know, the hair and everything else?

-Dr. Peter Musser (Psychologist Father Martins Ashley)

Just do what they tell you, they are going to help you.

Stephen King goes to the Nokomis meeting, why don’t you try that one.

-Therapist (Mangrove Wellness Center, Venice FL)

What I’m talking about when I say ‘the next right thing’ is aftercare. This is what you’re gonna need to get back your career and get back your life. That’s the next right thing.

-Intake phone consultation (Dilworth Center Charlotte NC)

I didn’t have a job, I didn’t have a car but I had a dollar in my wallet and I put it in the basket.

We are saving lives!  That’s what we do here.

Women should tolerate their husband’s philandering.  They beg to differ.  

-Meeting Chair (Zoar Road Club Charlotte NC)

You’re aftercare has to include AA

No, there is no ‘in lieu of AA’ You have to go to AA or you will be rejected.

There is no such thing as ‘just monitoring’. You have to include AA in your recovery.

These physicians (FAA) are very adamant about their method of recovery.  And why might that be?

St. Judes Retreat? What are they willing to offer you in terms of aftercare?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? Do they have meetings three times a week? What’s that going to cost you?

You know there is therapeutic value in one alcoholic talking to another one.

You can go to smart meetings in addition to AA.

Well you know, your psychiatrist, Dr. Greene, says your going to have to go to AA three times a week and your aftercare must involve AA.

I don’t necessarily need to hear you say ‘I love Big Brother’.   And I won’t.

-Dr. Robert Borucki (HIMS AME)

 AA is the best form of treatment for the maintenance of this disease.  Indeed it is

-Dr. William Greene (HIMS psychiatrist and Like Minded Doc)

You’re a very sick person, its his disease, this always happens around step 4.

-Therapist (Warren Margulies’ assistant Fellowship Hall)

You’re lucky we don’t lock you in your room like some places do.

You are kicking a gift horse in the mouth.

You have been discharged. Get in the cab or we are calling the police.

We are ranked number 5 in the nation.

-Nurse Ratchet (Fellowship Hall Greensboro NC)

When I first came into the rooms, I might as well have been wearing a big neon sign that said: ‘sick person’

These are all things you knew were wrong didn’t you? Not to lie, cheat, or steal.

Your not a bad person Jon, you are a sick person.

-Scott Forrester (Fellowship Hall Greensboro NC)

When I get that legal settlement, everything will be fine. (pharmaceutical?)

Its a cognitive impairment to desire a legal settlement apparently.  Think Soma!

-Fellowship Hall (Cognitive Impairment worksheet)

Jonathan, you are extremely intelligent.  You are like Samson. You are up against some mighty big forces. You and I are chosen people.  We are chosen for our intelligence.  Take what you like and leave the rest.

A job isn’t going to make a difference.

We will help him once he has completed a thorough step 5.

-Bob Sullivan (HIMS Program Director, Captain A330 American Airlines)

*I liked Bob.

My wife overdosed on heroin. I only smoke weed. In the same day, my kids saw their mother taken away on a stretcher and their father in handcuffs.

I got popped for weed and now I’m trying to get my kids back.

This is bullshit, we feel liked caged animals.

-Classmates (Sarasota First Step)

He has to watch you pee.

-Sarasota First Step

We don’t trust anyone.

So, you bid your schedule around Ladies Night at Rip’s Sports Bar?

Your father died of cardiac in fahrk-chon (fahrk-chon).  Emotionless, with emphasis on ‘Fahrk’

-Dr. Joseph Garbely (ASAM Like Minded Doc convicted of stealing IV morphine from dying cancer patients)

You are not being admitted because the funds did not materialize and you can’t be here.  Actually, you have to leave the premises and you can’t even be in the parking lot.

The owner says not to let you in.  Translation:  you have no money to treat your disease.  Evidently going to Detroit is ‘relapse without use’

-Phone Consultation (BHOPB)

If you need a sponsor, we need fresh blood in the rooms, that’s how this thing works.

-Zoar Road Club

Lack of spirituality is a barrier to recovery.  AA is a barrier to my recovery.

Has feelings of loneliness and isolation.  Fly an RJ much?

-Fellowship Hall

We are people of above average intelligence. Everyone in this room here has enough smarts to run a multi-national corporation. (ORLY?)

-Fellowship Hall welcome speech

This isn’t about your career. That doesn’t matter. You are much more than this.

Do not interfere with our service calls, our lives depend on it.

The program IS life.  

-Birds of a Feather chat room

Let me guess, you don’t drink any less either.

Ban this troll.

Boy, you really need to get some help.

Why don’t you get some help for your substance abuse.

You’re a liar.

You are an alcoholic in denial.


Go to meetings, that’s how we stay sober.

-Dana Archibald (American Airlines)

You will never get a judge to ban AA from your EAP.

-David Codell (Attorney)

Why can’t we have the job we want? Because of our character defects.

-Dilworth Center (defrocked preacher, day one IOP)

When I am in need, I want the loving arms of Alcoholics Anonymous to be there…



2 thoughts on “Schadenfreude”

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